Weirdest Spam Ever

I got this back in July, but never got around to posting about it. Now that it’s NaBloPoMo, why not dust off your moldy old drafts and share them with the world, too?

* * * * *

“Your response required:

The Order of The Illuminati under the jurisdiction of the all Seeing Eye, Master Nicholas Brenner has after series of secret deliberations selected you to be an optional beneficiary of our 2008 foundation laying grants and also an optional opening at the round table of the Order of The Illuminati.

These grants are issued every year around the world in accordance with the objectives of the Order of The Illuminati as stated by Thomas Paine in 1810 which is to ensure the continuous freedom of man and to enhance mans living conditions.

We will also advice that these funds which amount to US$2,000,000.00 be used to better the lot of man through your own initiative and also we will go further to inform that the open slot to join the Order is optional, you can decline the offer.

In order to claim your grant, contact the Grand Lodge Office secretary David P. Roberts.


Dr Paul Winsdor,
Order of The Illuminati

Stefan Brink,

The ultimate goal of the Order of The Illuminati has always been to replace the destructive forces of monarchism, nationalism, religion with the productive dynamics of business. Toward that goal, Neo-Tech/Zonpower adds

· free-market dynamics for societal decisions plus.

· the essentialness of working-class individuals.

For, such working-class individuals are disconnected from the elite class, which is intellectually indoctrinated into closed-circle visions of nature. Thus, non indoctrinated workers have retained their childhood capacities for fully integrated honesty — for wide-scope viewings of nature. While vision-controlled elites, specialists, and philosophers — including most Objectivists — have lost their capacities for fully integrated honesty.

The main objective of the Order of The Illuminati is making good men better, making strong men powerful.

Order of The Illuminati.”

* * * * *

Um, yeah.



Filed under Blogging, Silliness and Mayhem

7 responses to “Weirdest Spam Ever

  1. Mon

    “…making good men better, making strong men powerful.”

    And women!


  2. You don’t want to be better and more powerful?

    *tsk, tsk*

    If you miss out on wide-scope viewings of nature, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

  3. I’d love to know what “secret deliberations” caused me to be chosen for this great honor. Alas, I am part of the “vision-controlled elite”, being a college-educated myopic.

    Good thing “the open slot to join the Order is optional”, otherwise I’d sully their reputation.

  4. Nana

    This is typical of a “Nigerian scam”. If you actually contact them, you will be asked for $2,000 or some such amount in order to join this group and reap the (dubious) reward of part of that (dubious) $2,000,000.00. The $2 million does not exist.

    They started out by claiming to be the first born son of a Nigerian Prince who needs help getting $18 million or some such (dubious) amount into the U.S. I think the scam has now moved to South Africa. These guys always claim to have an account at The Bank of Scotland or Barclays, but if you look up the “address” in London that they give out, you’ll find it does not exist.

  5. What the…?! That is so funny. Does anyone fall for this stuff?!

    Oh, the grammar, “mans living conditions”, “We will also advice…” *sigh*! I suggest the Order of the Illuminati begin their self-improvement activities by purchasing a grammar book and a red pen!

  6. Oh, new spam/scam…I haven’t seen any with such elaborate Illuminati references. Interesting!

    Did you ever read any Robert Anton Wilson or know about the Church of the SubGenius? 🙂

  7. Nana: Usually I don’t read spam, but this one was so weird! Most people probably haven’t heard of “the Illuminati” so it’s an odd choice.

    Helen: I know, I wince every time I read it!

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