Angry Nap

I spent an hour and a half trying to get Napoleona to sleep today, without success. Perhaps it’s too hot and humid, perhaps she was overtired, perhaps she’s just being a butthead.

It’s a huge challenge to try not to be angry at times like this. Most of the time, I fail. For a while I am peaceful, non-violent-communication-using Mama. I think, the child is asking me to erect a boundary for her. I need to provide the boundary in a firm but kind way.

But after an hour and a half, she just won’t be quiet. SillyBilly was so tired he passed out after a minute of rocking. So the girl child and I are sitting on my bed while he sleeps so that she won’t disturb him. She can quietly read books while I distract myself from being angry. So much for sitting quietly with my emotions.

I start to get resentful that for all my work trying to create a nice naptime, I just end up frustrated and angry. I make the room dark and quiet, everybody gets a drink of water, then I rock and sing and tell stories. Nothing seems to calm her down. I try to use NVC and ask her what she needs, to which she replies, “Papa.”

I know quite well that what she needs is sleep. And I need an afternoon break from being Mama. Today, neither of us gets what we want.

Papa and I used to joke, “It’s a good thing these kids are so cute…” Most of the time I just need to look at them being their busy selves and I am overcome with a wave of love. Yesterday SillyBilly went to the grocery store with Papa and came back bearing a bouquet of chrysanthemums. “I got them for you to make you happy Mama.” I had to hide my tears as I gave him a big hug and kiss. Napoleona has finally started to say and sing grace with us at meals, which always gets a big smile out of Mama and Papa.

But….today I shake my fist at all the grandparents for being too far away to come babysit.

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